Childhood development experts used to believe that if we taught our kids to have good self-esteem, they would grow up to be more self-confident and resilient.  The problem with that is that boosting self esteem means that you are actually teaching them to compare themself to others, often in a competitive way.  Competition in children is widely discouraged in many leading alternative school systems such as Waldorf and Montessori.  Competitive behaviour and even competitive sports among young children actually can harm self-esteem and makes having compassion or empathy for others more difficult.  When a child tries to be a “winner”, there are also “losers”, and having a child feel that they have “lost” is extremely damaging. Where self-compassion is a way of relating to your self …

When we first had our kids, we knew we had to toss our TV.  It’s pretty common knowledge that television and videos aren’t exactly positive influences on early child development.  We have all heard the rhetoric about television overloading young children’s brains with too many flashing scenes, and stimuli, not to mention bad language and violence.  However, until only recently have we been able to make a direct correlation with our 5 year old watching videos, and then having night terrors.  The only case we will allow child appropriate vides generally is when she is sick, and unable or willing to do anything else (after exhausting games, crafts, book reading etc).  We also carefully prescreen and watch videos with them where possible, only allowing very …

Getting your child to leave a fun activity can be difficult.  Whether it’s at the pool or playground or if they’ve just met a new friend, kids approach play full-on.  Getting them ready to go, especially if it is something that they are entirely engrossed in, can be hard.  But approaching it with their needs in mind first, vs yours, can allow them to leave in good spirits.  Leaving can even be transformed into a fun activity that they will get excited about.
1. Speak In Their Language
The number one way I hear parents at a playground try to get their kids to leave is with a warning like “OK, Sarah, 5 more minutes and then we are leaving!”.  If your child is under age 5 …

Parents in the Kootenays should be grateful to know that support workers in our communities are being exposed to research and ahead-of-the-curve perspectives on caring for and raising children. Success By Six, Selkirk College, The Family Place, School District 8 and others sponsored “Love Grows Brains”. My attachment-parent heart was aflutter when our daughter’s pre-school caregiver Laura brought this conference to our attention. Dr. Gabor Maté was going to be speaking. We couldn’t wait!
At the lectures, I and many others were like giddy school kids in the presence of a rock star. So when he walks in, wearing all black, looking tired and disheveled, I thought, great and he’s human too. Here is a smattering of what stood out for me.
Friday May 8, 2009 – …

I am a parent of two thriving children, and the wife of a hunky geek. I struggle daily to help be of more service to them, and to be satisfied with my perfect life. They are capable of so much and my husband and I take the responsibility of guiding them very seriously. I don’t want to pressure them to be what I want them to be, but I do want to equip them as best I can, to help them live well in the world as it will be for them. The status quo is going to have to be dramatically different than what we know now.

It’s not all doom and gloom. And I’ve seen the preverbial Light. The relief and support I …