I like the idea that I am just a small blip on the evolutionary path of the human race. I don’t have to figure out our ever-changing world, and my place in it to know what to do as a parent. If change is inevitable, I see my job in the human continuum as helping to ensure we are shifting or evolving in a positive direction. The challenge is to identify the difference between evolved change, and change for the sake of itself.

Our children have the ability to live more fulfilling lives than simply being an animal of the stock-market food chain. But I often feel at a crossroad when faced with big parenting decisions. Parents that have the ability to marry the good of past ways with thoughtful new ways, are the trend setters that will help keep kids and parents on the right path.

Have you noticed that rarely do you see spanking in public anymore. Spanking used to be seen as an appropriate response to child behavioural issues. It’s true that this form of negative reinforcement has temporarily been replaced by the ‘time-out‘, but this can be seen as just a step on our evolutionary path away from anger and reinforcement of bad behaviour. We now understand more about children and what motivates them to behave and be happy. More and more we seem capable of setting aside our egos and unrealistic expectations of children, allowing us to get to the root of our family problems and to guide children through them. Without alienating them.

To all those out there who raised us and are watching and supporting our work as parents, please don’t take it as a personal affront if we do things a little differently. Be proud that you were a piece of the evolution of parenting. We are who we are because of you.

Root Concept:

We are evolving as human beings and this has a profound affect on parenting.  The continuum concept is the idea “.. that in order to achieve optimal physical, mental and emotional development, human beings require the kind of experience to which our species adapted during the long process of our evolution.” Natural selection for the body, mind and spirit. We can’t simply change who and what we are overnight, for our convenience. An example of the staying power of our evolution is the desire of babies to be kept close to a parent most of the time until at least six months of age. Parents who haven’t learned to sling or hold their babies to make them happier, should be able to intuitively know to hold them close, but many don’t. We are out thinking our evolutionary legacy of parenting experience.

What Experts Say:

Stephen Pinker ’s work in evolutionary psychology discusses how , because of natural selection, our brains are equipped with a set of tools to deal with problems faced by our ancestors.

Developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld teaches attachment parenting concepts and reassures us that we can tap into our evolved internal knowing (intuition) for the right answers in raising our children. See a clip of him speaking below.

Gabor Maté M.D. and co-author of Hold On To Your Kids, looks at how adolescents are evolving as caregivers for their peers, in place of their parents, because they aren’t getting the guidance and support from us that they need.

Try This:

My evolved friend suggested this variation on the time-out. If you feel the need for a shift in your young child’s behaviour, take a time-out with them. It is your job to teach them how to look disappointment in the eye and find a way to be ok with it. Making them go away to cope on their own only makes them feel bad about themselves. Try a change in venue to remove them from a negative situation, but stay with them. Even if you are on opposite sides of the room. When they come out the other side of the tantrum, you can experience the rawest kind of love because they know you saw them through. Staying calm and present with my children through their percieved hardships has been challenging, but very rewarding.

Success Story:

My daughter’s teacher told us that she is very capable when it comes to letting things roll off her back, and I believe this is because we have chosen the way of guiding through disappointment rather than punishing their immature emotions.

Bottom Line:

We can be very hard on ourselves as parent. Give yourself a break knowing that you are part of an evolutionary process that provides natural intuition and the opportunity to get better over time.

Dr. Gordon Neufeld speaking about what makes a child easy to parent.

Face In or Out?

Babies especially look to parents for your safety and comfort.  Although you may think a front carrier where the baby faces outwards would help them “see” the world, all they really want to see is you.  A baby’s vision is also very limited for the first few months, and in fact they can only see about 2 or 3 feet in front of them clearly up to the age of 6 months.

Choosing A Stroller

We love our Bob Revolution stroller (click image below for more) for a number of reasons.  It’s got plenty of storage, it folds in half and compacts down very small for travelling or throwing in the back of your car/truck.  It has great suspension for dirt roads or paths.  The seat back reclines for your snoozing baby.  It’s wheels lock out safely and it even offers an option to lock the front wheel out straight, or let it pivot freely.

Written By: Chris Charlwood

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